"Whether you think you can or you can't, 
you're right"    

During the consultation, our ears need to be finely tuned to recognize and identify deep-seated beliefs or behaviors that the client has (perhaps erroneously) bought into. 

Whenever we hear absolutes such as always, never, nobody, everybody, etc., it clearly suggests a lack of confidence, a sense of futility, or resignation that nothing will ever change. Our job as astrologers is, in large part, to help the client recognize and accurately understand their inherent strengths and challenges and work with both to maximize their individual potential.  

Particularly at an impressionable early age we're susceptible any criticism or judgment when it comes from an authority figure (including parents and teachers) or from our peers. Critical comments can easily become ingrained in our persona and become a part of our identity. This concept is masterfully dealt with in The Lies We Believe by Dr. Chris Thurman. Any event that reinforces this negative self-perception further validates the hopelessness of the situation. Events that contradict this cumulative negative self-perception are quickly dismissed as inaccurate or inadequate to reverse the underlying trend.

All repetitive situations tend to solidify beliefs. It is imperative that we evaluate the client's feelings from their perspective and encourage a shift in that perspective. Continuing unchecked, inaccurate or self-limiting beliefs can easily become self-fulfilling. There may be an avoidance, a reluctance, or a lack of initiative that says, "Why bother, it will never work out". It may eventually become an excuse for not attempting anything, thereby not allowing any chance for improvement. In contrast to Dr. Robert H. Schuller's inspirational question, "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?", the question becomes the self-limiting absolute, "I know that anything I try will fail."

Each house (including the planets located within it or the planet ruling its cusp) may provide clues to reveal the source of these feelings:

For example, when a client says, "I'm always unlucky in relationships", they are expressing a feeling that because past relationships have been unfulfilling, they feel that they are doomed to the same result in any possible future relationship. In this case, we would initially look toward the 7th house, any planets located there, the sign on the cusp, the ruler of that sign and its condition (the sign the ruling planet is located in and the aspects to the ruling planet). 

For these self-limiting absolutes, it can be quite instructive to evaluate the particular sign(s) being emphasized:

To continue our example of the client who is "always unlucky in relationships", we may find Virgo on the 7th cusp, perhaps suggesting a demanding or hypercritical partner that is difficult to please. This would put the ultra-sensitive Pisces on the Ascendant and contribute a Neptunian confusion or a clouded or distorted self-image, and amplify the vulnerability to a partner's criticism.

If we found Libra rising, perhaps the ego need to please (or appease) could be so pronounced that there might be a sacrifice of personal beliefs. With a dominant or assertive partner (Aries on the 7th) they might feel deferential or subservient. You can see how it works.

The client's comments guide us to probabilities that are suggested by the natal chart, and suggest questions for us to ask. By finding the source of these feelings, we can begin to work toward resolution.  

Whenever we hear these black-or-white absolutes from the client, it opens up the possibility of a better understanding of the reasons for these feelings, and can help to suggest an alternative perspective that can be helpful. One technique that I've found particularly effective is to encourage the client to make a slight adjustment to the absolute statement. Instead of, "I always make poor decisions", encourage the client to say (or think, since we're often dealing with an inner dialog), "In the past, I could have made better decisions."  Though subtle on the surface, consider the profound difference between the two statements. The prior leaves no room for improvement and implies a resignation to perpetually making "poor decisions". The second is much less judgmental, avoiding the foregone conclusion that the same thing will happen again and again. Also, by phrasing it more positively there is a significant measure of control that is reinforced, "I could have..." done "better".

By helping the client recognize and defuse these self-limiting and self-defeating assessments, we are in effect giving them permission to absolve themselves from past regrets while opening up a significantly more optimistic attitude toward the future.