Reevaluating Priorities

"Goals are simply tools to focus your energy in positive directions,
these can be changed as your priorities change,
new ones added, and others dropped"

—Anonymous

“Set priorities for your goals.
A major part of successful living lies in the ability to put first things first.
Indeed, the reason most major goals are not achieved is that
we spend our time doing second things first.”

—Anonymous

It's only reasonable to assume that our priorities will inevitably change. Life isn't static. It's to our advantage to maintain a flexible priority list in order to cope with demands as we're bombarded with them from various directions. As we age, we go through some distinct phases of changing priorities.

Starting with our vantage point as infants, we are the sole priority. Our relatively limited perspective serves our purpose well at this early state of life. We cry if we're hungry, need changing, or otherwise need attention. Our vocal volume is often directly proportional to the resultant response. But this perspective doesn't (or at least shouldn't) last forever.

By the age of 5 to 7 (or much sooner, especially if we have younger siblings), we begin to interact and socialize more as we notice a competition with others who are also seeking to have their own needs met. We must soon come face to face with the stark realization that there are times when we are expected (or required) to share what we have with others. Usually, this isn't initially an easy concept to embrace. I recall being told of a story involving my older brother when he was young. He was given two identical balloons and told to give one to his little friend. One of the two balloons met an almost immediate end, whereon he told the adults that, "Hers broke!"

When we were young we might have wanted to be a fireman, an astronaut, or a professional sports hero. But usually we reach a juncture where we recognize that these early hopes and desires are best focused in other directions. Rather than looking at these new realizations as failure or surrender, it is more beneficial to pursue our current passions rather than lackadaisically going through the motions toward something we're no longer convinced that we really even want.

The socialization process continues as we make friends, and then later as we move on to more intimate relationships where there is another shift in the balance of priorities. We like how we feel when we're around this other person, so we're willing to take on the role of partner, protector, or provider—where another individual becomes a central priority for us and actually helps to define who we are.

If we have children, the cycle begins again. A disproportionate amount of time and energy is now focused on that young, vulnerable baby. Gradually, as their needs change, we have a corresponding shift in responsibility (and our priorities) as we attempt to provide for their evolving needs.

When the last child moves out, there is often a wake-up call or the "empty nest syndrome" where all the energy that has been devoted to the upbringing of that young person is tested as they go out on their own. While this may be greatly anticipated during the 17-plus years of child-rearing, the consequences can be frightening or bewildering. Part of this is the forced realization that we're no longer young, of our own mortality, as well as assessing what we have (and haven't) accomplished in our lives.

Any time when there is a dramatic change in the household or family structure, it is followed by a period where one must adjust to the "loss". Even in cases where an unpleasant situation comes to an end it is often followed by a sense of disorientation. What is going to replace it? What should the new priority be for using that time and energy? You may want to refer to Dealing With Change on this site for a refresher on this concept.

Generally, it is advantageous to maintain focus and make steady progress toward our goals. But it's also crucial to periodically re-evaluate the current appropriateness of those goals. Circumstances may have changed. Perhaps as we grow and evolve, we don't have the same passion for what we once did. If we aren't invigorated and excited by where we're focusing our energies, it's probably time to make some changes in our personal priority lists.