boundary  n: something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent; 
specif: a bounding or separating line

A crucial factor in our daily survival is the ability to set and adhere to boundaries. Without boundaries, we allow, tolerate, or even encourage unwanted intrusions into our lives. We owe it to ourselves to minimize these unnecessary interruptions or commitments that can quickly distract us, diminish our energy, and take up the time that is necessary to do what is really important.

Situations that require boundaries may be either obvious or insidiously stealthy, creeping in to ravenously gobble up our free time, leaving us exasperated and exhausted.

Perhaps you were brought up to be polite. If so, you have been granted irrevocable permission to hang up on any telemarketer after saying, "No thank you. Please remove me from your call list". You are also hereby absolved from any guilt whatsoever for unceremoniously deleting any SPAM from your computer's inbox. If you were to be polite or (heaven forbid) buy something from these people, you're likely to see them multiply and swarm upon you with the ferocity of a biblical plague of locusts.

Without a doubt, we need to act as our own designated gatekeeper with the responsibility to determine who or what will be allowed entrance into our hallowed private spaces. We tend to be most vulnerable when someone tells us that they need our help. In some ways we're flattered and the initial tendency is to say, "Sure, I'd love to help."

We may be asked to join a group, attend a meeting, "volunteer" for a cause, etc. With apologies to the anti-drug slogan people, one of the most effective things to remember is, "Just say no." Somehow, many of us feel an obligation to say yes in situations when our hearts aren't really convinced.  We may feel that, "But it's such a good cause" or, "I really should do it." Our ultimate decision must be consistent with our priorities.

Please don't misunderstand me. I think we all should be generous with a portion of our time, contributing to a worthy endeavor or cause. But we can't allow ourselves to be burdened by too many things or people that can lead us to a hazardous overload situation. 

Even recreational or social commitments can become a burden. While it may initially tempting to join a bowling league or make a weekly or monthly commitment to anything, we need to consider whether it is something that we will continue to enjoy over the long term or if we might eventually find ourselves wondering what we were thinking when we got ourselves into this in the first place.

It may be especially difficult for some of us to say no, particularly if friends are the ones making the request. Well sure, we'd like to go for a picnic Sunday afternoon. But come Sunday morning will we feel the same way? 

It all comes down to this: Is it something we really feel strongly about? Will we feel the same at a later time? Will it prevent us from doing things that we are already committed to? Will it expand to take more of my time than we expect? Will it leave me any uncommitted time for myself and my family?

I'm a member of an eclectic mix of professionals that meets monthly. We all enjoy it immensely, in large part because we've intentionally avoided any time-consuming "assignments" outside of our meeting time. We thoroughly enjoy each other's company and we each benefit from other members' insights and ideas. Today, we were speaking about setting boundaries, which motivated me to write this article. We concluded that for the persistently polite among us, an appropriate response when asked to do something we don't fully embrace is to say, "I'd love to, but I can't."  This simple statement inoffensively, yet emphatically says no. 

After all, if we don't adhere to our own boundaries, how can we expect others to respect them?

©2001-2007 Don McBroom - Personal Astrological Consultations - Tucson, AZ (520) 298-3456

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