As we approach Valentine's Day, substantial attention is appropriately focused on relationships, and on love.  Especially at this time of year it's common for people to look toward astrology to help them to identify their "ideal" companion, their soul-mate.  In my February, 2003 article Using Astrology in the Quest for the Perfect Partner, I discussed some of the basic considerations for using astrology when looking for a partner.

It would be wonderful if there were some magical formula (astrological or otherwise) to determine who is best for us.  We may be looking for a person that can anticipate and provide exactly what we want, need, and desire at any given moment, which is almost certainly an elusive if not totally impossible dream.  And although it sounds enticing,  would that really be the best match for us anyway?  

So much of a relationship is having someone to share common interests and goals with.  But there is also a point of diminishing returns.  If we're too much alike, there may not be enough chemistry to keep us interested and stimulated.  And without at least some common ground, some shared interests and priorities, we run the risk of too-frequent disagreements, confrontations, or just drifting apart.

So perhaps the absolute best partner would represent a "Goldilocksian" combination of not too different and not too alike, but a just right mixture of the two extremes. 

Astrology can help.  Often we seek out in others the characteristics in ourselves that need support, need a boost.  Rather than using a "magic formula", a reputable astrologer can help you to identify what you need in your relationships in order to feel fulfilled.  

But most importantly, we must realize that the image we project determines, in large part, the type of people that are attracted to us.  For example, if we're perpetually angry or complaining we may be excluding the very people we'd like to be around.

This brings me to the central point of this essay.  A good way to begin to understand what we need in a relationship is to look inward.  By having an objective awareness and understanding of who we are, we can more easily adjust and adapt our beliefs, behaviors, and priorities to what is most appropriate for us now.

A tremendous amount of our current behavior may have developed in response to situations that no longer exist.  It's a bit like an internalized version of the Hatfield's and McCoy's where tensions have been present for so long that we don't even remember what started it all.  It's just become a part of who we are, how we define ourselves.

During the last couple of months, my articles have dealt with getting rid of the "stuff" in our lives that has worn out its usefulness.  By doing the same with our outdated beliefs, behaviors, and attitudes we can create a fertile space for new growth and an updated image of ourselves.  By doing so, a different sort of person will be attracted to us.

So whether you're currently in a relationship or are actively looking for one, doesn't it make perfect sense to let go of past anger, hurt, grudges, and insecurities?  By letting go of this excess emotional baggage it's easier to focus on more positive and rewarding pursuits.  And we might just find that there's someone quite willing to accompany you on your journey.